Right choice dating
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I wouldn’t, in other words, have made it work the minute he was ready, over the span of 30 years, forward and back. With him, I borrow the words of Priebe:“When it comes to you, I’d wade through limitless eras and time zones and alternate realities and Universes trying to find you. The only time someone else other than your partner would even look like the “right” person is when your current person isn’t, as defined by the above.I’d wait for decades or ages or centuries or lifetimes. But the brilliant thing is, I don’t have to do any of that. So: either they were “right” or at least one of you didn’t build and foster and commit to the relationship, but either way.
Maybe I was just at a point in my life where he made sense — maybe he just happened to be what I was looking for, but I doubt it.The flakey “fuck boy,” before we’re serious about settling down.These are people we date when we’re (consciously or subconsciously) prioritizing other things, or trying to get our needs met indirectly. There will be people who represent what you need most at that point in your life; people who look and feel like living and breathing manifestations of what you want.Like the flaky musician when we just need a little music, the person we have nothing in common with (including life goals and values) when we want to be brought out of our shell.There are dudes I dated at different points in my life that I dated simply because they offered what I needed at the time.
The high school sweetheart, the hippie slash bad-poet ski bum after him (who introduced me to Real Music from the 70s), the aspiring musician who made me laugh, the mechanic slash art director who , the dude I met while studying abroad in London, the midwestern banker, and several engineers. I never dropped everything to “make it work” with a dude.
If you value harmony, the “right” choice is the one with fewest hurt feelings and least disruption to the peace in your life.
If you’re someone who sees life (and other people in it) as fluid, you may not see partners as static, one and done, til-death-do-us-part commitments, but rather companions in life to the extent that it’s mutually enjoyable, and in that case the “right” choice is whichever one that supports your personal journey.
I could have made all kinds of excuses — about the weather, “The right people are timeless.
The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had for one and follow them into the hazy, unknown future without a glance backwards.
Looking back, I see the context on a lot of them: how I dated logical dudes when I was using “logic” as a defensive mechanism (overcompensating for withdrawing from people.) I dated “doers” when I needed help getting out of my own head; a sensitive adventurer when I wanted someone to show me “all the human feels.”And I’d never date any of these dudes again — even the one or two I may have mourned by sighing: “if only we’d met in the future.”Because that’s all make believe. Saying that the timing is wrong is saying nothing more than ‘You aren’t worth any inconvenience.’”It’s not “time,” sweetie, and it’s not space. More fighter than lover, I’m the type of person who deliberately throws a monkey wrench into a perfectly good thing — and, looking back, this was always pure and obvious deliberate sabotage. I let one boyfriend think I was moving across the country with him, and then didn’t follow him until a year later — and only after I laid the decision out in spreadsheet, careful to reassure myself that I was doing it for me and not for him.