Matters of life and dating

23-May-2019 20:52 by 10 Comments

Matters of life and dating

Domestic violence is a hidden scourge on our families and communities.Those who are victimized often keep it a private matter for various reasons: fear, shame, well-intended efforts to preserve the family.

Consequently, some may feel guilty about considering betraying the abuser, or fear they will be judged or further deprived of affection if they disclose or attempt to leave.

The violence does not happen randomly, or solely because of stress or substance abuse; abusers use violence to get what they want.

This being said, it is important to recognize that the abusers were not “born that way,” but have their own history of developmental and family problems (often being abused) that can explain how they learned to be aggressive.

Statistics suggest one in four women experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and three in four Americans are reported to know a victim, though most episodes are not reported to the authorities.

Although the majority of victims are female, an estimated 15% are males.

This is especially true because as abused persons they are often plagued by feelings of shame, fear, and depression, and have lost sight of the essential fact of their dignity and worthiness to be loved.

At times they may also make decisions that cause an observer (family member or friend) to question their judgment, or become frustrated with them for remaining in what seems to be an obviously dangerous or hopeless situation.Victims generally ask for help only when the risk of violence increases.An important step to help in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing certain risk factors such as jealousy, hypersensitivity and possessiveness, or controlling, explosive or threatening behaviors.These persons benefit from counseling that affirms their inherent dignity, helps them understand the dysfunctional patterns in their past and current relationships, and assists them in establishing a safe home and relationships. Although common characteristics have been identified, there is no “typical” abuser.In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their family, while the violence and its consequences are hidden from view.The “cycle” begins with a “set-up” phase: The abuser creates a situation in which the victim has no choice but to react in a way that, in the abuser’s mind, justifies the abuse.

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